no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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