at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
