she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
