Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
