capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
