During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
