do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
