we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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