I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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