well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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