I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just threw up on my dentist
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
