I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
