He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
