You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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