You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
