A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
