dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
