i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
