it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
