Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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