Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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