I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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