If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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