I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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