Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
