As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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