I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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