Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
