toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i would punch a child for taco bell
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
