Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
