Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
