Well douche your snatch and let's go!
why didn't you poke me back
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
