I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
