the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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