she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
