SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
