I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
