Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
