How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
