It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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