Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
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