I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
