Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
