But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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