so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
