She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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