allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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