How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
