she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It was a blind-side dick pic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
