I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
