i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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